I have Rheumatoid arthritis, there I said it out loud. To be honest I've known for a while, so much pain, killing pain, but the confirmation just floored me. It also made me re think a whole load of 'stuff' I have a hugely demanding job, yet again I am a team member short for the start of term so I am covering that and implementing a huge project with tough KPIs .... So things have to give. I gave up the blogging for the Edinburgh Modern quilt guild, I loved doing that but it meant I couldn't blog here so much and I realised this is where I create my memories my happy things to look back on. And I need that now more than ever. I have given up the muckhart quilt group, lovely ladies but the travel and organisation was too much. I signed up for a whole load of retreats this year, which is good, I hope I can still carry that on next year but who knows, I'll make the most of it while I can.
So for now I am being more selfish, it's out with anything or anyone who sucks joy or happiness from me. I just don't have the head space for it. I have deleted Facebook, Twitter I need for work and Instagram is my happy place, that can stay.
I know this can be controlled but I also know I face a rough three to six months while they figure out which drugs do and don't work. I'm struggling so hard to come to terms with this. I do hope I look back on this post at about Christmas and smile and think I got through it, but change is inevitable and this is a biggie, even if the drugs work etc etc I know I can't do what I used to at the pace I used to so I'm just letting that settle in just now.
Right that's the last self pitying post!! I just needed to get that down and out of my head.
Getting a diagnosis of a chronic condition which can only be managed, not cured, is a big thing to hear and it takes a long time to come to terms with it. I think you're right to drop the things which don't make you happy. This post is not at all self pitying, it's an honest look at how the next few months is going to be while the doctors try you on different medicines, and also truthful about how you don't know how things are going to be after that. Just know that whatever happens, we, your friends, are here for you. I am always at the other end of an email/message/phone for you to chat to, even if it's just to off load all the 'having a chronic illness is really crappy' stuff. Put yourself first, tell work that you need a full team, and delegate where you can. Take care, pet xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Helen, i honestly dont know what i would have done without all the help and advice on IG, i thought my sewing days were over, they are not, they will just be different. Last week was awful but with the help of my chums ill get there! You are a star, thank you xx
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