No thinking

"Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so" 
Hamlet to Rosecrantz apropos of Denmark which was a prison to Hamlet.

I love a graveyard, so facinating, so much history ironically so much life. This is Kirkton up in my home town.

I was doing so well!!!! i really was and then bang a day full of over thinking, ruminating and allowing someone to get RIGHT under my skin .... what do you do when someone you really really dislike and who has been quite horrible to you,  decides that they want to be your best friend?? Im constantly on edge and my heart sinks whenever i see a comment ...I cant avoid because that would mean giving up something i love doing.
so, nothing for it but a lunchtime walk/jog and reconnet with my favourite fence posts to see how they are doing.

Well almost at the end of January. its been a funny old month! ive been swinging from thinking everything is rubbish to thinking WOW what does the future hold for me now. The new job has been hugely challenging, hugely in many ways but it has also invigorated me. There is life in this old dog yet!
A latte and a salmon bagel, very uninteresting but hugely significant. In my first marriage we would often come to Edinburgh to visit. I would longingly see shops and cafes and places to eat and think I would never be free enough to be one of those hips trendy and glamorous people who frequented them. OK I dunno if I'm hip trendy or glamorous 😁 but I nip in and out of the places I used to look at longingly. This is what used to be Luccas a cafe I never thought I would have the courage to enter or be free enough to enter. You've come a long way lady 😁

For a page which is called no thinking it seems to be a lot about thinking!  but maybe its about the correct thinking? the healthy thinking instead of the unhealthy thinking? 
So what has this week been about? the first week back at work? it was not as bad as i thought it would be and if anything slightly better! been thinking a lot about the "illusion of control" i soooooooo need to apply that to work and just let * things * go * 
We had a rural meeting :-) Elvis will be our entertainment in March !!! but he is in an Elvis convention at the moment .... couldnt make it up, love the Rural.

Church for the Rural meeting
Saturday rekindled my love of knitting! Fab knitting class with lovely Sheena, just a great nice day.

The #makershand hashtag on IG really set me thinking. Here are my hands:

there were so many other makers out there with RA, it was so good to see how they coped and their perspective on it.
So all in all a good week.

Been thinking a LOT about that on my first week back at work! Keeping perspective is a grand thing especially when people totally grind your gears! Today I reminded myself that not all battles need to be fought, that I don't actually NEED everyone that is in my life and I can walk away from groups etc if they don't fill me with pleasure. I know I don't do groups very well, I know that so if it's not giving me what I need then walk away. I need to compromise and am happy to do so but won't let others put me down either.
This was me last weekend! Oot on my bike, aww fae braw. I got s bit lost and did more than I should have but I enjoyed it and that's the main thing isn't it.

I am rapidly becoming a connoisseur of the cafes in Falkirk retail park. This is the range nice tea and scone but not as much tea as dunelm Mill and it was dearer. Still nice though. Thoroughly deserved after 2 hours on my bike! 
 More beautiful algae on the canal walls.
 Antonine wall where we used to walk Bud.

 This was on the way to the retail park,  I saw it while waiting for traffic lights. It strikes me all the time how nature always wins. It waits and waits and seeks a crevice or a foothold then it takes over again.
The illusion of control. Its been on my mind for a while now. A lot of my stress comes from the illusion that I have control. Repeatedly thinking about things gives me the sense I can control it, bollocks ... nature always wins it is the only thing which has any control. 

I am thinking of each day as its own separate time capsule. Bordering my thoughts with the end of this day and nothing else. I like it. Yesterday was a cinema day, Bumblebee, loved it. I have taken to parking the car about 40 mins walk from the cinema which means I can get my steps in as well 😊 Walking back along the canal it was dark, for the first time I noticed the lights which guide you along. So pretty like s ribbon guiding you forward.
Ok you can't really see it but I can picture it in my mind, it was lovely and in other news I have just found out I can use my shonky old vintage iPad to update this page! Win win. Now off out on my bike for today's adventure.

HMMM one day in a I fell at the first hurdle. I had a lovely coffee with a chum but they werent in a particularly good place and i spent the rest of the day wondering how much was my fault, if any?? they were maybe just being a bit grumpy, which is allowed! so today i was determined to remedy that. Off to see my first film of 2019 - the Favourite, incredible, determined to keep my stesps up i walked to see these chaps:
 Gosh what a grey day it was, never mind they are still beautiful!
Walking from the cinema i passed this old school building, some really interesting lichen here I love the colours.

 On the way back i wanted a cup of tea so I went to a burger van in the industrial estate,  I also got an egg roll,  but it was eaten too quickly to get a picture the tea was the nicest cup of tea i have had in ages! so good. £2.40 in total, what a bargain. A lovely walk, a really nice day.

ahhhhhh the 1st of January, a day littered with good intentions! I have been looking back lot and thinking a lot as well, 2018 hasnt been a bad or a good year it just has "been" I have had worse I have had better, did i know that at the time? i dont know if i did or not. I have been trying to meditate more this year and one meditation has the phrase "no thinking" half way through, this always hits me in the face as i know at that point my thoughts are always creeping back in.
No thinking how good so much of our life would be if we could just stop thinking, stop dissecting every interaction every email looking for hidden meaning and purpose. Trained from a child i look back at every event and flay it apart looking for things i did wrong, ways in which i did something wrong, hurt someone said the "wrong thing" this i can the use to beat myself up, a favourite past time in recent years.
I blame hormones they are just a bugger!
Anyhoo i would like to start training my mind to accept things as they are, face value, if someone compliments me - let them,  if it seems that someone likes me - let them. Stop finding ways to reinforce the negative. If friends are dissecting emails looking for hidden meaning?? - let them, it is just too exhausting otherwise. If people continually want to make a "point"?? let them.
Me? i just want to look at fence posts. I have a favourite fence post :-) 
This new year i discovered a chum on Instagram who also like moss and algae. around my walk near my house there is a lot of it, particularly on fence posts. To me they always look like little fantasy villages or towns, remind me of Enid Blyton fairy tales :-)
This was my new year walk for 2019.

 I would love to buy this old farmhouse and do it up, it has stunning views.

 This is my favourite fence post, i love seeing the moss and lichen on it when i do my circuit.

 Oh another favourite, i always have to stand on tip toes to see into this one.

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