I have Rheumatoid arthritis, there I said it out loud. To be honest I've known for a while, so much pain, killing pain, but the confirmation just floored me. It also made me re think a whole load of 'stuff' I have a hugely demanding job, yet again I am a team member short for the start of term so I am covering that and implementing a huge project with tough KPIs .... So things have to give. I gave up the blogging for the Edinburgh Modern quilt guild, I loved doing that but it meant I couldn't blog here so much and I realised this is where I create my memories my happy things to look back on. And I need that now more than ever. I have given up the muckhart quilt group, lovely ladies but the travel and organisation was too much. I signed up for a whole load of retreats this year, which is good, I hope I can still carry that on next year but who knows, I'll make the most of it while I can.
So for now I am being more selfish, it's out with anything or anyone who sucks joy or happiness from me. I just don't have the head space for it. I have deleted Facebook, Twitter I need for work and Instagram is my happy place, that can stay.
I know this can be controlled but I also know I face a rough three to six months while they figure out which drugs do and don't work. I'm struggling so hard to come to terms with this. I do hope I look back on this post at about Christmas and smile and think I got through it, but change is inevitable and this is a biggie, even if the drugs work etc etc I know I can't do what I used to at the pace I used to so I'm just letting that settle in just now.
Right that's the last self pitying post!! I just needed to get that down and out of my head.