Might as well be a mountain

I never wrote up my experience with cancer in 2011, I don't actually think I was aware of blogging at the time if I was it wasn't for things like scary illnesses

I wish I had though, I have memories and feelings about it but I don't know how true they are?

I think it would help now to look back and see those feelings experiences again

I remember one vividly I think it was one of my lowest moments. My husband was out for a works night out, a very rare occurrence ao.it must have been Xmas time 

I was.feeling not very good and took my temperature and it was high

I tried and tried to phone him and he didn't answer so I dialled nhs 24 and got told I should go to out of hours care

I can't remember if Mark did come home in time and drive me or if I got a taxi, but I got across and they put me in a room where they all came in hazmat suits to prevent infection 

I think my main fear was an infection interrupting my chemo, chemo was my only way out of this and I was terrified of that being interrupted.

They couldnt figure out what was causing the infection they thought it might me one of the injection sites for the chemo drug getting infected 

The injection site was my buttock so I was  standing up in front of them all I think about 3 or 4 of them and had to drop.my track.suit bottoms and bare my bum. One of the junior doctors looked at it and said "is that it??" I definitely remember that bit and he might also have said "I got called out for that?" I'm not sure about that bit but I remember the fear the shame and embarrassment viscerally 

Turns out it wasn't that it was a urine infection they put me on an antibiotic drip, I was in a single room and fell asleep then woke up to find myself being wheeled through to a ward, there were 2 other women in there, an older lady and a young woman who had taken an overdose, she threw up all night. The next day she was insistent on getting onto Facebook so she could show "him" what he had done to her, I felt.veey sorry for her until she insisted on smoking out the window my bed was next to the window .... it was obvious from my complexion and bald head that I had cancer but hey I can't judge her she was a sad woman

I kind of think of that experience as my lowest point when I had cancer.

I'm thinking yesterday might have been my lowest with long covid? Dunno let's see! Mark is away and it's hard for me to cope to be honest. I ordered more shakti mats, bolsters and a shakti ring, also some slip on shoes to help me walk around the house.

That's the parcel, I managed to get to near the door and sit there on the floor when I knew the delivery was coming yesterday,  then today I wanted to try and get it, because I had coffee I couldn't get my heart rate down. But I need the shoes because my feet are getting sore going barefoot, this took me 20 minutes a good 10 of those were spent laying on the floor with my legs up the bannister

I eventually got there, and had to wait 30 mins 🤦‍♀️ but I got to try shakti ring!!! Didn't read the instructions though you are meant to keep it.moving up and down your finger 🤦‍♀️

New bolster is very spiky! But nice

New shoes!!! At last! Hopefully better for my feet!

I tagged this cats and roses because that's my phrase to describe my cancer I might write up.more let's see.

I do hope this is my lowest point because it was pretty pretty low