Sunday, 22 September 2019

Loosing and perhaps regaining my voice?

I really dont know where to start, this blog was started way back when i wasnt feeling too well. Depression, anxiety? who knows, probs just menopause kicking in! :-) I wanted to use it to keep a track of all the gorgeous quilty stuff in my life just to look back on when feeling down. Recently i just look at my posts and all i see is  - Mark holding a quilt - finish number XX
End of.
Is that what my crafting life is? I dunno, is it instagram? has that taken over? dunno.
When i was in yoga this week the teacher was talking about loosing our voice, not literally but the feeling that we cant speak, feeling gagged or our words are trapped. I realised i have been feeling that for a while. Gagged by my own insecurities, feeling i have to 'BE' a certain way. I think it all came to a head when a group i am in had a challenge, i entered my quilt, a modest offering but in the round up video of them all, every single one on the table was in shot apart from mine. It was there i could see the corner of it in one shot but you could hear it being shoved out of the way, then shoved a bit further. I played and played and played that video over and over and over again. Now the poor person who took it probably shoved mine out of the way to get a better shot and forgot to come back to it. But I couldnt see it that way and that when i realised how insecure i am about my own quilting.
And thats when i realised I needed to give myself a huge big slap and get over myself!!!! and stop feeling I cant even talk about my quilts on my own blog because i 'dont feel good enough' my quilts have changed lives, I know this, they have provided comfort to people in times of bereavement, they have comforted children in times of distress, i know this i have been told. I need to remember that being 'modern' or being this that and the other is not my goal. My goal is to make fun bright quilts which bring people happiness and that is just fine and dandy.
As a reminder, this is one of the first quilts i ever made. It was from a class called 'points to ponder' it was meant to help you be more accurate and it was a great skill builder class and i had great fun, probably about 2009? It will forever be Sammys quilt to me, when i was a Project Linus co-ordinator i was handing over some quilts to a respite care home. They were lovely ladies. One was telling me about Sammy, Sammy had a very serious condition but he loved his linus quilt he got, he played with it all the time. When he sadly passed away (just 5 .... no age at all, it was already breaking my heart) well when he passed his mother wanted to give his linus quilt back to the respite care home and the lady told me they had been using it as a play mat ever since (maybe about 6 years?) anyhoo, she pulled this quilt out to show me and it was this one:

I had donated it to Project Linus in about 2009, this was about 2016 so for 7 years my quilt had been loved played on and brought comfort to Sammy, neither of us could quite believe it, i started to cry but the woman said 'oh please dont be upset, Sammy loved his quilt!'
Thats a result. So this is a reminder that I dont need to fit into a box, I just need to make what i love and carry on doing what i love which is making fun bright quilts to cheer me and others up.


  1. You absolutely do not have to fit into a box, whether it's one box or a box made up of other boxes. You make quilts to bring comfort and joy* to others and yourself and you do that with aplomb! S*d what the quilt police think about whether it's modern or traditional or this or that (who really cares about this stuff anyway? I think it's a construct by self-appointed experts to keep us all from blowing our own trumpets. I'd rather my experts be actually experts in their field, thank you very much, not just think they are. That's a matter for another day, however!), your quilts make people feel better and the world is very much a better place for having you and your quilts in it. Now, come here while I give you a huge hug xxx

    (*does that phrase start anyone else singing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, regardless of the season, or just me?!)

  2. There's another thing your quilts bring...inspiration. I don't think I would have found such a fulfilling pastime, and some lovely friends, if I'd not had the quilt you so generously gave me to inspire me at the very beginning. And then you taught me the real, not Harry Potter, dark arts! Hurrah for you and your quilts. Big hugs.